Friday, April 18, 2014

Send me on my way


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Good Friday is upon us...and if you are observing, you are going to be looking for something that is not brimming with lots of meat.  And I found something that just might satisfy the biggest carnivores out there.  

Maybe.

I am sure there will be critics.

Whatever.

First things first....how have you all felt about having me back around most of the week?  Personally, for me, its been quite nice.  I feel more like me again...which is always good!  I've also been trying to give up my diet of crap and have been pretty successful for the past 24 hours...baby steps people!  So I am feeling good!    So far anyway...and if the weather holds (finally), I just might be able to get out in the yard and play in the dirt soon!  I may have mentioned, I am planning a big vegetable garden...OK, maybe not huge, but its going to be the biggest space I have ever dedicated to growing food in my yard, so...anyway, my seeds have sprouted and are probably going to want to establish themselves in the ground soon, so I am hoping the weather cooperates...instead of dumping more snow on us like it did the other day.  When I do get things in the ground, I shall post pics from the beginning of the seeds...and then updates throughout the summer.  Hopefully I will be doing some serious harvesting!

Now...the poll.  Some of you thought I really wanted to make that bird nest cake and thought I was doing a bit of reverse psychology on you all.  I wasn't.  I was dreading the thought of that one winning.   As you can see over there on the right...the poll closed yesterday morning.  What won??  Well, the option I said nothing about...just call it a day and go buy one.  I am pleased to say, that was the dark horse I was hoping would win!  I am going to have a serious time crunch, so this was really the best option!  I got a really cool new kitchen gadget for Christmas that I will be utilizing for the first time, so when I pick up the fabulous cake I ordered (along with the super cool looking bread) from the amazing bakery at my corner, and I used said kitchen magic to make some fruit magically transform (IF it works...) I promise to show you all pictures!

So...back to today... 

Good Friday Dinner.

What are you gonna make??

How about this?

Leeky Linguine with Shrimp
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Ingredients
1 pound large shrimp, shelled and deveined
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil 
1 tablespoon grated lemon peel
2 cloves garlic, grated or finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
Salt and black pepper
1 pound fresh linguine
4 leeks, trimmed, halved lengthwise, thinly sliced crosswise and washed
1/2 cup dry white wine or vermouth
1/3 cup finely chopped flat leaf parsley (a generous handful)

Directions
In a bowl, toss the shrimp with 2 tablespoons of the extra virgin olive oil, the lemon peel, garlic and crushed red pepper; season with salt and black pepper.
Bring a large pot of water to a boil, salt it, add the pasta and cook until al dente, about 5 minutes.
While the pasta is working, in a large skillet, heat the remaining 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, about two turns of the pan, over medium-high heat. Add the leeks, season with salt and black pepper and cook until wilted, about 5 minutes. Push the leeks to the side of the pan, add the shrimp to the skillet and cook until pink and firm. Pour in the wine and stir, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan.
Add the pasta to the skillet; season with salt and black pepper. Add the parsley and toss.

I mean...as long as you like shrimp, you're all good, right?  If shrimp is not your thing, substitute it with your favorite seafood...or, no seafood at all.  I'm just saying!

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Now...some food for thought...

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Throwback Thirsty Thursday - God

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So...as I have been a little bit more like myself this week, how about  a double whammy today - Throwback Thirsty Thursday.

WHAT?

Yes.

Because, trust me...

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Originally published March 27, 2013


God






Well, well, well.  I have to admit, my state of mind is pretty damned good at the moment.  Its pretty amazing.  Really.  I do have one HELL of a rant for tomorrow.  And really, my state of mind could go down the toilet on a second's notice right now...because it could.  


Now, I think this might be our last Thirsty Thursday for a little bit.  Or not.  We'll see how I feel next week.

Anyway, I found this a couple of weeks ago and thought it was kind of cool...I don't know that I would necessarily be able to actually drink one as I can't stomach and one piece of the candy version (kinda sweet), but I still thought it was cool...you know those candy eggs...not just any candy eggs...Cadbury Eggs...


I remember the commercials well...

 (Actually, I think they still use some of the same ones here!)

Now, imagine that in cocktail form.  Oh yes.

Cadbury Caramel Egg Martini
Ingredients
1-1/2 ounces Baileys Irish Cream with Caramel
1/2 ounce crème de cacao
1 ounce caramel syrup
1 ounce cream
1/2 tablespoon Hershey’s chocolate syrup, plus extra for rim

Directions
Drizzle chocolate syrup around inside rim of glass.
Place all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake until chocolate syrup is completely incorporated.
Strain into glass.



Holy sugar buzz Batman!

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Zen goodness...or not...



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Yep...then it was still Zen...now its food for thought...

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Monday, April 14, 2014

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."


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So its about that time...egg coloring time!
I boiled eggs last night so that the kids and I could decorate them in the next day or two.  Its so crazy...I am so used to having to rush around and do everything at the last minute.  Its nice to have time!  We bought a kit we are going to use, but I started looking around online and there are so many ideas...next year we are going to try some of these I think! So I thought I'd share some really cool egg decorating ideas with you all today...and after we color our eggs, I will show you pictures!
Also, don't forget to vote in the poll over there on the right...which cake should I make....or should I just go buy one???  You decide!










And if you are feeling especially creative...

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I may not be around until later today as I am going to get new tires for my truck, but I will try to check in on you all later!!

And now, some food for thought...

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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Birdhouse In Your Soul

***AS OF THURSDAY, APRIL 10, 2014 AT 9:30 AM EST, THE POLL IS OPEN!!!  PLEASE SEE THE POST BELOW AND THEN PLACE YOUR VOTE OVER ON THE RIGHT!!!  CHECK BACK IN A WEEK TO SEE THE RESULTS!**
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Hello again, and I welcome you with one of my favorite songs of all time!

I am back again!  

So, yesterday I mentioned that I was going to show you all two cakes and then put it to a vote...which one shall I make for Easter???  I think I was pretty clear that I am voting for yesterday's cake...mostly because of my crappy cake decorating skills.  However, today's cake is REALLY cool looking.  I have not attempted this one yet...but if it wins, I will.  I promise.  I just kinda hope it doesn't.

Now, I am just going to share with you the recipe as I found it...which is carrot cake with chocolate frosting, which, quite frankly, sounds like vomit to me.  I get why carrot...Easter Bunny likes her carrots.  I also get chocolate frosting...because, well, you will see.  But the flavor profile???  No.  The original author claims it is delicious, but I just don't see it...
IF this cake wins, I will be using yellow cake.  Call me boring, but if I am gonna make this, I am not putting the effort in to the decoration to have no one eat it...no way in hell.

So, what I am gonna do is post the recipe as I usually do, but I am also going to post a link to the site I found it on so you can check out the step by step directions, because maybe YOU want to make it!

Easter Bird Nest Cake

CAKE (and mind you, this is a mighty fine sounding carrot cake recipe!)
Ingredients
2 cups of unbleached flour
2 teaspoons of baking powder
1 teaspoon of baking soda
3/4 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg
3/4 cup of white sugar
3/4 cup of packed brown sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups of vegetable oil
2 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract
2 cups of grated carrots
1 cup of crushed pineapple
1/2 cup of chopped pecans (optional)

Directions
Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg in a medium bowl and whisk together well.  Set aside.
In your mixing bowl beat together sugars, eggs, oil and vanilla until smooth.  Gradually add flour and spice mixture until well combined.  With mixer set on low, add carrots, pineapple and pecans.
Pour into prepared cake pans or cupcake pans.
Bake cakes at 350° for 40 minutes until cake tester comes out clean.  For X-large cupcakes bake for approximately 28 minutes at 350° until cake tester comes out clean.  Let cool in baking pans before removing to cooling racks.

ICING (this is the Magnolia Bakery butter cream recipe...)
Ingredients
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
6 to 8 cups confectioners’ sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions
Place the butter in a large mixing bowl. Add 4 cups of the sugar and then the milk and vanilla. On the medium speed of an electric mixer, beat until smooth and creamy, about 3-5 minutes. Gradually add the remaining sugar, 1 cup at a time, beating well after each addition (about 2 minutes), until the icing is thick enough to be of good spreading consistency. You may not need to add all of the sugar. If desired, add a few drops of food coloring and mix thoroughly. (Use and store the icing at room temperature because icing will set if chilled.) Icing can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days.  (PLEASE NOTE, TO MAKE ENOUGH FROSTING, DOUBLE THE RECIPE...AND TO MAKE IT CHOCOLATE...ADD A 10 OUNCE PACKAGE (MELTED IN A DOUBLE BOILER AND COOLED TO LUKEWARM TEMPERATURE) PACKAGE OF MILK CHOCOLATE CHIPS).

Cake Assembly:
Three layers of carrot cake, cooled.  Apply a layer of butter cream icing between each layer as you stack your layers.

When the top layer has been added, cut a line approximately 4″ in diameter around the center of the layer.
Using a small off-set spatula, cut all around the circle just deep enough to go through the top layer only.  

Apply frosting around the remains of the top layer and inside the *nest.*  Finish dirty icing the entire cake.  Set in the fridge to cool before applying the finished layer of frosting.

When cake has cooled, remove from fridge and apply final coat of frosting.  Smooth out the frosting around entire cake.

Fill a piping bag with the milk chocolate butter cream.  Using a #4 tip, begin piping lines in random directions and random lengths.  Start piping insides the nest being and then work your way to the outside top of the cake.

Once you have completed piping the nest on the top layer, begin piping the sides of the cake. 
Once your *nest* design has been completed, fill the nest with your choice of colored candy Easter eggs.

Do you see how much work that is???  Since I am going to be working around the holiday, I will have to use a box cake mix.  I am fine with that....and one of the girls at work gave me an awesome idea for the birds nest - instead of all the icing (and since I declared my love for coconut to you all yesterday...) coconut tossed in cocoa powder.  Yes.  Think about it.  It could work!

So here is the link to the article in which I found the recipe...step by step pictures for assembly!


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And some food for thought...

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Chew on that...and have mercy on me when voting!











Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Biggest Part of Me

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Nope!

No joke.

I'm back!

I needed a little extra time after that last post.  A lot of emotions there!  I thank you all for your very kind word and support during that difficult time!

The awesome news is that I think spring may finally have arrived!  We've been above freezing in the temperature department, and that is making everyone feel better!  I actually feel confident in planting my seeds (finally) today!  Its just been SO COLD, I was beginning to doubt that we were going to even have some warmer weather this year.  I was thinking new Ice Age for sure.  

Also, Easter is right around the corner.  The Easter Bunny has done her shopping around here and is all ready to make some baskets!  The Easter Bunny's mother in law is too, as they went shopping together yesterday and had a great time!

And speaking of Easter, I am going to hold a little poll for you all, after my post today and my post tomorrow.  (Yes, you read that right!).  Both are cake recipes and I can not decide which one to make for Easter. I actually did a test run on the one I am sharing with you all today last night.  It was heavenly.  SOOOOO delicious.  It just might taste like spring.  Also, it was super easy, which is why I am leaning toward making this one...the one tomorrow,  I will only be making IF it happens to win...it looks really cool when done, but I am anticipating it to be a total pain in the ass to make.  I mean, I could be wrong, but most likely not, because, as I have told you all before, my cake decorating skills...well...I don't really have any cake decorating skills.  So maybe I'm kind of hoping this one wins...today's cake.  But I'll make whichever one wins.  Really.

Here is today's (and also the explanation behind the song choice, although, who doesn't love a little am radio music every now and again?)

Ambrosia Cake

Ingredients
1 box white cake mix, plus eggs, oil and water needed to prepare
8 oz Cool Whip, thawed
1/2 cup sour cream
2/3 cup powdered sugar
8 oz can crushed pineapple, well drained
15 oz can mandarin orange slices, drained
2 cups sweetened, shredded coconut
2 cups mini marshmallows (I used the pastel bunny shaped ones)

Directions
Preheat oven to 350. Butter and flour two 8 inch round cake pans and set aside.
Prepare cake batter as directed on box. Pour evenly into prepared pans and bake until tops are browned and spring back when lightly touched in the center. Remove cakes and let cool in pans for 5 minutes, then remove and allow cakes to finish cooling completely on wire rack.
Once cakes are cooled, prepare filling: In a large bowl, combine Cool Whip, sour cream, and powdered sugar. Fold in oranges, pineapple and coconut until combined.
Split cakes horizontally. Fill each layer generously with ambrosia filling and top with the next cake, cut side down. For best results, let cake chill overnight before serving. Top with marshmallows before serving.



So you can frost the entire cake (as I did...oh, and sorry about the picture quality....I wanted to get a quick snap before serving, and we had company for dinner...), OR you can just frost on top of the layers (and add one or two more, which is what I would do for Easter if this cake wins the battle) and then sprinkle the top with marshmallows.  ALSO, if you are really into coconut, when you prepare the boxed cake mix, you could sprinkle some into the batter and BAKE IT IN THERE!!  YUM!

Yeah.

So, this is cake #1.

Cake #2 tomorrow.

For real.

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And now some food for thought...

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Sunday, March 30, 2014

Tears in Heaven

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Its THAT day.

My longtime readers know what I'm taking about.

THAT day.

I am not exaggerating when I say that this is the third anniversary of the worst day of my life.  What I have been through I would not wish upon my worst enemy.  No one should ever, EVER have to experience this kind of loss.

So, my absence as of late is because of this...

And its almost worse this year than it has been the past couple of years due to the fertility treatments.  When I embarked on this journey to get pregnant last year, I honestly thought that I would be pregnant by now, and that this anniversary would be different.  The last two sucked, but weren't as bad because due to injuries I sustained in a car accident, I physically could not get pregnant, because my body could not support me.  I mean that in the literal sense too...my back was all jacked up...it still is, but its not as bad, and my doctor and I know the damage we are dealing with going in and how much I have healed and factoring in a couple of other things, we decided now is the time.  Except so far it isn't.

So for today, no food.  I haven't really touched on this here since the first anniversary when I shared the story.  Which I am going to do again today.  There will be no recipe today, although, after I type this, I am planning to make purple cupcakes for our special tribute to our little Summer Lily tomorrow.  I will warn you, this story is kind of hard to read.  BUT, it really conveys why I have bouts of difficulty dealing with seemingly mundane things on occasion.

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Originally published March 30, 2012

Dreaming with a broken heart...




No silly cat pictures today. No recipe either. For those of you that have been following me for a while, you know about the hell I have experienced in the last year. Today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. I don't know how I will spend it - hopefully not curled up in a ball all day crying, but if I do, I do. A little bit after the loss, I started another blog (which I have since deleted for various reasons) but this is the story. Don't feel obligated to comment or even read it if you don't want to (its a lot longer than my average post)....I will understand. Its just my story. And I really couldn't think of anything else to post today that seemed appropriate. If you do decide to stick around, and even say something...thank you. Really, thank you.

Instead of continuously bitching about how horrible my moods are in my food blog, I decided to start this one, to kind of document the day to day dealings with the worst experience of my entire life.
So, those of you not aware, I was recently pregnant - one day shy of 22 weeks. The baby was perfect. I have two children already, but we always knew that we wanted one more, and have been waiting a very long time, due mostly to health issues, for another. I was so excited, the kids were excited, my husband was excited. The registry had been created. One of my best friends and my mother were planning a shower for me - which would have been this coming June 5. Her name was picked, Summer Lily, she was due August 4. On a Tuesday morning, I was getting ready to leave work - I work midnights at a large hospital in the Operating Room. I started bleeding. I paged the doctor on call and he had me walk over to the Family Birth Center of the hospital to get checked out. He was hoping that is was just a ruptured blood vessel and nothing to worry about. I check in, and everything was a blur after that. As it turned out, my water broke. About 18 weeks too early. The hospital was to become by new home until the baby was born. I was moved to one of the birthing rooms, despite the fact that labor did not look imminent and that the baby was fine. The doctor came and talked to me - he actually apologized for the situation. He was very sweet, and comforted me, and was also very blunt about the situation as far as what could happen. I really did appreciate this. Even though I knew that things could be bad, at least I knew what my prospects were. He was going to have a doctor from the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) come talk to me - I really needed to make it another two weeks - at 24 weeks, we would still be dealing with a sick baby, but the mortality rates are much higher that where I was at - and they would improve every week. He told me to forget my due date - we just wanted to get as close to 34 weeks as we could. I lost a lot of amniotic fluid that afternoon, but everyone assured me that the fluids I was getting were replenishing the fluid as I lost it. There was also the hope that it was just a small tear in the sac and that it might seal itself off. I was getting two very strong antibiotics via IV every six hours, and after two days I would get oral antibiotics to ward off any infection. By the end of the afternoon, I was moved to the antepartum unit, into the room that would become my home away from home. The fluid had stopped leaking for the most part, which made me feel a lot better. I had also been suffering from migraines my entire pregnancy and had been taking an anti-nausea medicine and vicodin to stop the headaches. These are both safe during pregnancy and I was being closely monitored on them. In the hospital they took me off of the vicodin as it is a tylenol product and could mask any symptoms of infection I was having, and they needed to know if I felt the slightest ache. My husband and kids brought me a bunch of things from home that night and we visited for a while and explained the situation to them - how I wouldn't be home for a while, but they would still see me every day. They went home for the night, and I went to sleep. The next morning I felt great. The leaking fluid had stopped completely, there was just (what we thought) was some residual bleeding from everything the day before. I had breakfast and my nurse checked the baby's heartbeat and then put me on the contraction monitor for half an hour. Everything was fine. Perfect in fact. The doctor on that day came to talk to me and told me I would have another ultrasound the next day, just to make sure the fluid was as it should be and that the baby was doing fine. Just before lunch I started to feel lousy. Horrible cramping. I let my nurse know. I went back on the contraction monitor and they pumped me full of fluids. They weren't picking up many contractions, so they adjusted the belt and, yep, there they were. Every few minutes apart. After about an hour and a half of some strong contractions, I started to feel better. I had texted my husband and told him NOT to bring the kids with him, just in case something happened. He got to the hospital and about five minutes later all hell broke loose - literally. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. My husband insisted we call the nurse, but I said no...just needed the bathroom. How wrong I was. The pressure I was feeling was the baby. I delivered her myself, in the bathroom. I started screaming for my husband to call the nurse. (He later told me it sounded like someone was stabbing me). It seemed like forever until someone got there, but suddenly there were a bunch of doctors and nurses and I was just sitting there, holding her little body, completely unable to open my eyes. I was hysterical. I have never felt that kind of pain in my life. Ever. I wanted to die. I knew she wasn't all right. Finally, one of the doctors clamped the umbilical cord and took her from me. They got me back to my bed and I sobbed for what seemed like forever. I have no idea how long it was. They explained that the baby was stillborn, and that they were going to move me back to the Family Birth Center for the night. I would be able to see her there if I wanted, and I would probably go home the next day.

And a few days later I wrote this...

I don't know why, but for the past few days I have been vividly remembering everything that happened. So I guess I will pick up where I left off in the story from my first post.

The doctor and nurses finally got me calmed down and they moved me over to the Family Birth Center. This is where we would spend the night, which was fine with me because I wanted to be out of that room and never go back. When the wheeled me into my new room, I immediately realized that Summer was there, behind a curtain in a bassinet with a nurse tending to her...my husband realized this too and started having a panic attack. Despite this, he kept a very even head for me, and told me he couldn't see her, that it would upset him too much. They told us that we could have pictures taken. We both said no. I kind of wish we had them now, but at the time it seemed like the right decision. There was so much happening so fast.

In the meantime, they were concerned about me delivering the placenta. If I didn't deliver it they would have to take me to the operating room to remove it - I work in the operating room and was really not up for seeing my coworkers at that time. I knew that they would care and be compassionate, but I was really hoping it would not come to surgery.

Finally it was time to see Summer if we wanted to - I did, so they took my husband to another room where he would not be bothered by someone who was happy to be having their baby that day. The nurse brought her to me and put her in my arms. I was surprised at how heavy she was. (The card with her footprints on it said she weighed 14 ounces, so she was pretty big for as old as she was.) She was beautiful. She looked exactly like my son...same nose, same mouth. She just looked like she was sleeping. She had a little purple and white at on her head that fit her perfect. She was wrapped in a white receiving blanket that had little purple flowers on it and it was her size. I just stared at her. I cried, because I would never get to know her, never see her smile, never hear her voice...her cry. I have no idea how much time I actually spent with her. I wouldn't see her ever again.

The nurse took her out of the room and brought my husband back in to the room. Then in was more whirlwind. Doctor in and out...then the social worker came in....I wasn't ready for the things she had to tell us.

We were given three options as to what we could do with her body. One, she would stay in the morgue at the hospital for ninety days (so she would still be there when I got back to work...she would still be there now.) and then a local funeral home would cremate her and we would not get her ashes back, but the hospital would take care of it and it was free. Two, she would again stay in the morgue for ninety days and then be buried at the cemetery that is near the hospital. She would have a grave in the "Little Angels" area for babies that have passed and we would have to buy a casket. We would be able to visit her grave, but if we ever moved far away we could not move her closer to us. Again, the hospital would take care of everything except the casket. Our third option was to take care of the arrangements ourselves. My grandfather had recently passed away, so my mom called the funeral home where his wake had been and they took care of everything for us for free. We chose option three. They were wonderful...but more on that later.

We also had to decide if we wanted an autopsy performed. My husband did not, but I overrode him and said yes. I already knew at that point that we would have another baby, and I wanted to know what happened and what we would need to do the next time.

Finally I delivered the placenta - I had been given a liter of saline with pitocin (a contraction inducing medication) over the course of an hour and I really needed to go to the bathroom. They put a "hat" (a bowl that fits over the toilet so they can measure urine output) on the toilet just in case the placenta came out then. It did. I just left it there for the doctor and cleaned myself up - there was so much blood. I then went back to the bed. I had taken care of both deliveries by myself basically. I hurt everywhere. I told the nurse I didn't want to feel anything the rest of the day. She assured me they would take care of me. My mom came to see us and tell us that the funeral home would take care of everything and it would be about a week or so and we would have her ashes. She visited for a while, and then went home. They brought dinner for my husband and me and we ate together. Our other children were with his parents and so after dinner my father in law picked him up so that he could get some things together for the kids for the night. He asked his dad not to tell the kids what happened - we would do that the next day when they got home.

When he got back to the hospital he brought me a white stuffed cat. (This would later be where most of Summer's ashes ended up.) I had showered and been given some painkillers by the time he got back, so I was feeling a little better. We were both just in shock. We watched television and tried to sleep. That is when I started having dreams about her...
Here I am a year later. I still miss her and I am completely frustrated because due to circumstances beyond my control (and the actions of others) I can not move on and try again yet. We have made it through the year, which we were told would be the hardest part. I have cried A LOT every day for the past two weeks and once again it feels just as fresh.

I planted a lily garden in her memory.

I still sleep with the stuffed cat. I also wear a necklace that holds some of her ashes and it doesn't leave my neck except for when I am in the shower.

The picture at the top of the post...that is my wrist. We were given foot prints at the hospital. My husband scanned them and I had them tattooed onto me. The artist did a phenomenal job. He was very sensitive to the situation and went out of his way to make sure they were perfect. As he said to me, "Those are way too important to fuck up." Well said. They are actual size - it is hard to see, but for as old gestationally as she was, her feet were quite big. But they are still tiny. Sometimes I smile when I look at the ink...other times I cry.

Still sad...one day at a time...actually, for the past few days and probably the next few, one moment at a time. Its possible I may have posted the above song before. I never really listened to the words until about a month after she died. I haven't been able to get through the entire song without breaking down since.


Thank you for taking the time to read this today. And if I am in your thoughts, I thank you for that too.

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Yeah, I wasn't kidding.  By the way, I still wear the necklace (and will in fact freak out if I forget to put it back on after I take a shower) and I still sleep with the stuffed cat.  I was really hoping that today I would be able to share with you all that I finally got a positive pregnancy test.  But I haven't.  So I can't.  Hopefully soon.  Fingers crossed.  While I will never, ever forget her, in order for me to heal, another baby will make a big difference.  Its hard not to feel that I did something wrong to cause her to die and now I am being punished for it and that's why I'm not pregnant yet.  I know its not my fault, but its really hard to not blame yourself.  Usually I am pretty ok, but all of the extra hormones are making it especially difficult right now...

So hopefully after the next day or two passes I will start to feel more "normal" again.  I certainly do not right now.  Yesterday morning at work (I really should have taken the entire weekend off...you know, because I actually WORK in the hospital all of this wend down in...) I went to the cafeteria to get breakfast before the day shift came on...this not something I usually do...and I really shouldn't have then.  Anyhow, an older couple was in line ahead of me and the cashier started chatting with them.  They were there for the birth of their grandchild.  Which was very exciting, but more so, because this was their second grandchild to be born THIS WEEK.  While I am very happy for them, and I know that they clearly had no intention of hurting anyone within earshot, it just made me so mad at myself for even going to the cafeteria.  Stupid love for bacon.  Usually something like that wouldn't bother me at all, but as I am especially sensitive, I was a wreck the rest of the day.  I get mad at myself for feeling that way.  I really do.  And it is easier in general.  Just not recently.

So, that is why I've been so absent.  I hope not to be in the near future!

And again...thank you for reading this super long foodless post, and if I am in your thoughts today at all, I thank you.

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And now some food for thought...

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